Monday, May 30, 2011

Is he the one you adopted?

My older girls are part of the running club at school and so I have to go and pick them up later after school twice a week.  Michael being gone this week, I have to go get them with the complete crew.

We showed up after the run and the girls' friends naturally migrate around us because the boys ''are sooooo cuuuute'' they say.  And then pops up the question, pointing at Logan: ''Is he THE one you adopted?''  Next thing I see is Logan looking at the person who asked the question.  A look of vulnerability.  What then goes through my mind and my heart is hard to describe.  A mix of sadness and anger.  Sadness because that will follow him his whole life.  Yes, it is obvious he looks different than the rest.  Does he need to be reminded constantly?  It's like an old movie going through my head over again.  I see the pieces of the puzzle that will always be missing.  I see that in the eyes of many there will always be the biological children and the other ones.  Like you have to compare.  Anger at the insensitivity of others.  Yes, it came from a child, with no bad intention, just pure curiosity.  But it happens all the time.  I am tired of being asked how much it costs, right in front of him.  I am tired of being told that I have courage, that I am so good.  When will it stop?  It hurts to think that he is starting to understand.

Maybe when I grow up someday it won't affect me anymore.

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